I have lied. I will not stop writing. I don’t think it’s possible for me to give up something like that. Writing is my one escape. I can’t give that up, but for now, I think I’ll take a break from blogging. I’ve got stuff to figure out, you know? And I don’t want to figure it out on a blog. I can’t hide behind written words anymore. I used to think my blog was the only place that I always told what was on my mind. But I don’t think it was. I think some of it was true, but I was always trying to make everything into a poem. And so it all came out a little dramatic. Even this seems… I don’t know…weird. like not something i would really do, or say. i was trying too hard to be someone..a writer i guess. =) but something that is true? i’ve always liked the name samantha better than rose.
OKAY?
I’m taking a break from blogging, from writing. I wish I could take a break from my school, my friends, my family. I wish I had a plane, so I could disappear in the clouds. I wish my life had a script, so I could see when something unexpected was coming, so I could prepare myself for it. I wish things were simpler. I wish I wasn’t sad. I wish I wouldn’t cry so much. I wish I could be stronger. I wish I had someone, who could look in my eyes, and know exactly what to say. I wish I could leave this town. I wish it had been me instead of her.
Quiche. q-u-i-c-h-e. Quiche.
This post has nothing to do with quiche other than the fact that is one of the words for this year’s spelling bee…which I get to participate in. *insert sarcastic tone* Lucky, lucky, lucky, me. *end sarcasm* That’s right. March 2nd, I will be spelling words that I don’t really care about. Whoot whoot. I mean, seriously, one of the words is wikiwiki. They put some weird words on the list. But at least that makes it more interesting, right? Maybe they put those words in so that no one falls asleep. Yes, I’m sure that’s it. =)
If nothing else, at least I’ll get to hang out with two of my friends that are in it. And, maybe I’ll get to skip some school. =)
Peace. p-e-a-c-e. Peace.
Sam
Twilight Parody
So this parody comes from some of my favorite youtube peoples….The Hillywood Show. I was super-excited when they said they were doing a Twilight parody..and I find it hilarious…but it’s a Friday, and I’m tired, and slightly sick, so I don’t know that my mind is completely in order..but it’s still entertaining. Enjoy.
The World is White
Outside, snow is falling once again on my little hometown. Big, fat, feathery flakes of white are swirling down to the ground, where they then stick. If it’s cold enough tonight, everything tomorrow morning will be a slick sheet of ice. The sky is beautiful right now. It’s dark, but light. There is a hint of pink, and beige colors. It’s also sort of gray with snow. It’s the type of weather that makes you think Christmas music, and hot chocolate, and warm blankets. The smell of a fireplace, a vacation from school, and thousands of lights around town. Unfortunately, the time for that has passed, and we’ve moved on to pink paper hearts and love notes. Cupid and chick flicks. Flowers and chocolates. But for right now, the world is white.
So…
So..I don’t really know what to write here. Which is kind of unusual for me, because usually I just write whatever I’m feeling at the moment. But lately I’ve been regretting what I’ve been writing. But I feel like I can’t delete posts. I don’t know. I guess I just feel like, ‘you know, that’s what i was really feeling at that time, and it’s my blog, so why should i edit a whole bunch of my feelings on my blog?’ If that makes any sense. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I just feel a little..awkward knowing that after I’m done with my ranting and stuff that then I send it out in to the web-world, where anyone can read it, and it’s freaky a little bit, you know? But I don’t want to pretend that everything is just hunky-dory, because I’ve been having a lot of off days, and I feel that it’s important for people to read about the good and the bad. But I will try to write more on my good days, ‘kay?
So, today has been a pretty good day. I saw Inkheart yesterday with my mom. I love those books, and the movie was good. It made me angry that they changed the end though. That wasn’t even the end of Inkheart, it was the beginning of the second book. And it was done differently in the second book, so it made me angry a little bit. But it was a good cast, and the changes they did make were okay ones. You should all go see it. And also read the book by Cornelia Funke. And as long as you’re reading good books you should read The Thief Lord (I think that’s also by Cornelia Funke) and you should read The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak.
Twilight comes out on DVD March 21st!!!!I’m super excited. I want to go buy it on that day, but Molly insists on going to her prom, silly girl. =)
I’m listening to my ‘Warwick Avenue’ station on Pandora. It’s a good one, except they just played a song by Amy Winehouse. Ick.
School is going alright. Science fair is Monday. I’m kind of freaking out about doing a presentation. I’m not sure me and my partner are ready. *panic face* Other school news….it’s almost the middle of third quarter, which makes me excited. I’m halfway done with shop class. Whoot.
It’s still very cold here. It snowed last night. *sad face*
I like the way Norah Jones’s voice sounds. Her music is played on a lot of my Pandora stations, which is fine by me. =)
Molly’s bird is spazzing out right now as she’s eating. She’s a bit of an odd ball. (Molly’s bird…not Molly. Although Molly is rather odd too…)
I read Midnight Sun on Stephenie Meyer’s website. -sigh- Edward…..
Marcy read the Twilight series. (Can I have New Moon back, Marcy?) She’s my favorite person now. =)
I think that’s enough randomness for the moment, don’t you think?
Sam
Anonymity
Walking the streets here,
I have one fear here.
The fear of being
noticed,
of being recognized,
and pegged as
something I’m not.
I don’t want to pretend
that I’m a certain girl.
I don’t want to
be frozen
as this person.
I want to move on
without anyone caring.
I want to feel fine
and be able to break down.
I want to have that freedom back.
I should be…
I should be getting ready to sleep..
I should be writing…
I should be studying for a math quiz…
I should be hopeful…
I should be not worrying about the coming days…
Instead I’m sitting here, listening to a band I’ve never heard of, and playing spider solitaire. Instead I’m feeling close to breaking again, and instead I’m just waiting for something to go wrong. Instead I’m worrying every single time one of us gets a cold. Instead I’m sitting up every single night, feeling empty. Instead I’m still crying.
I should be open to what people say, and I should want to be comforted. I should be really caring about the hard things my friends are going through.
Instead, I’m turning the comments off. Instead, I’m tired of hearing all the ’someday you’ll be fine’ and the ‘you’ll get through it’ and the ‘i feel your pain’. Instead of listening, I’ll turn it all off.
