I should be…

I should be getting ready to sleep..

I should be writing…

I should be studying for a math quiz…

I should be hopeful…

I should be not worrying about the coming days…

Instead I’m sitting here, listening to a band I’ve never heard of, and playing spider solitaire. Instead I’m feeling close to breaking again, and instead I’m just waiting for something to go wrong. Instead I’m worrying every single time one of us gets a cold. Instead I’m sitting up every single night, feeling empty. Instead I’m still crying.

I should be open to what people say, and I should want to be comforted. I should be really caring about the hard things my friends are going through.

Instead, I’m turning the comments off. Instead, I’m tired of hearing all the ‘someday you’ll be fine’ and the ‘you’ll get through it’ and the ‘i feel your pain’. Instead of listening, I’ll turn it all off.

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