Archive for My world


Posted in Movies, Music, Random, Update with tags , , , , , , on February 8, 2009 by Samantha Rose

So..I don’t really know what to write here. Which is kind of unusual for me, because usually I just write whatever I’m feeling at the moment. But lately I’ve been regretting what I’ve been writing. But I feel like I can’t delete posts. I don’t know. I guess I just feel like, ‘you know, that’s what i was really feeling at that time, and it’s my blog, so why should i edit a whole bunch of my feelings on my blog?’ If that makes any sense. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I just feel a little..awkward knowing that after I’m done with my ranting and stuff that then I send it out in to the web-world, where anyone can read it, and it’s freaky a little bit, you know? But I don’t want to pretend that everything is just hunky-dory, because I’ve been having a lot of off days, and I feel that it’s important for people to read about the good and the bad. But I will try to write more on my good days, ‘kay?

So, today has been a pretty good day. I saw Inkheart yesterday with my mom. I love those books, and the movie was good. It made me angry that they changed the end though. That wasn’t even the end of Inkheart, it was the beginning of the second book. And it was done differently in the second book, so it made me angry a little bit. But it was a good cast, and the changes they did make were okay ones. You should all go see it. And also read the book by Cornelia Funke. And as long as you’re reading good books you should read The Thief Lord (I think that’s also by Cornelia Funke) and you should read The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak.

Twilight comes out on DVD March 21st!!!!I’m super excited. I want to go buy it on that day, but Molly insists on going to her prom, silly girl. =)

I’m listening to my ‘Warwick Avenue’ station on Pandora. It’s a good one, except they just played a song by Amy Winehouse. Ick.

School is going alright. Science fair is Monday. I’m kind of freaking out about doing a presentation. I’m not sure me and my partner are ready. *panic face* Other school news….it’s almost the middle of third quarter, which makes me excited. I’m halfway done with shop class. Whoot.

It’s still very cold here. It snowed last night. *sad face*

I like the way Norah Jones’s voice sounds. Her music is played on a lot of my Pandora stations, which is fine by me. =)

Molly’s bird is spazzing out right now as she’s eating. She’s a bit of an odd ball. (Molly’s bird…not Molly. Although Molly is rather odd too…)

I read Midnight Sun on Stephenie Meyer’s website. -sigh- Edward…..

Marcy read the Twilight series. (Can I have New Moon back, Marcy?)  She’s my favorite person now. =)

I think that’s enough randomness for the moment, don’t you think?



Wonderful, Beautiful, Washington

Posted in Random, Update with tags , , , , on October 17, 2008 by Samantha Rose

I left my parents at security on Tuesday afternoon, feeling very excited and a little nervous. What if I missed my plane? What if there was something wrong with my ticket? What if I had to sit next to some creeper on the plane? All of these thoughts were running through my head as I walked down the slope to gates 3&5. The waiting area was nearly empty, and I relaxed. I sat down next to a window and then took out a book. In my nervous-ness and excited-ness, I ended up going back to the gate about an hour early. When I finally boarded the plane, new worries came. What if I couldn’t find my seat? What if there was someone in my seat? What if something happened while we were flying? I would have no way to contact anyone. I found my seat and watched everyone else getting on, wondering who was going to sit next to me. No one. I was glad to have a little space. Take-off was amazing, and I enjoyed it a lot. We weren’t flying very long when we landed in Helena. And then they told us there was something wrong with the cock-pit and they had to call in a mechanic. So we waited, and waited, and waited some more. After an hour, we were all on the plane and ready to go. The rest of the flight went smoothly and then I was in Seattle. Then, I started worrying that I wouldn’t be able to find Travis in the busy airport. I found him easily and then we were on our way. Then all I could feel was excitement, and relief that I had gotten there okay.

My time here has been wonderful. It seems so natural to be in Seattle, and to be in Marcy’s house playing with my nephews, that it’s strange. It’s so natural, it makes it unnatural. Today me and Marcy took the boys down to U Village. After we were done shopping, for a minute I expected to go back to the Ronald McDonald House. And then I remembered, no, I don’t live there anymore. It’s strange to be so close to it, and not make the turn to go there. Even though I was born in Montana, and I love it, I feel like Seattle is so much my home. It feels so natural to go in to a huge city and walk around. I love it here. The time has gone so fast; I can’t believe I’m going home tomorrow! I have missed my family while I’ve been here, but like I said, this feels so much like home to me.

Please pray that the Seattle airport will be easy to navigate too, and that the flight will go smoothly tomorrow.


The Office, Seattle, and Charlie

Posted in Movies, Random with tags , , , on September 27, 2008 by Samantha Rose

I’ve been debating for a few days what I should post about. So, for now, here’s an update.

School has been…well, it’s been school. =) More exciting news is that I’m probably going out to visit Marcy and Travis next month, which I’m very very excited about. One of my favorite youtube bloggers is celebrating his 18th birthday next week, and during his live blog, he’s going to be shaving off all of his hair and donating it for a cancer research center in the UK (where he lives), so that’s really cool. Last Thursday (the 25th) was the premier of The Office. SPOILER: Jim proposed to Pam! Yay! I was sooooo excited. The Office makes me very happy. =)

So…not much else has been going on here. I watched the third Harry Potter movie with French subtitles today for, guess what? French class. Surprised? =) Me and Molly made puppy chow. Well, mainly Molly made it. We also watched Speed Racer this afternoon. I love that movie. So cool.



Posted in Uncategorized with tags on September 18, 2008 by Samantha Rose

Yesterday was the six month marker of Kelly’s death. This post is going to be completely honest, and I don’t know that I always am honest about how I’ve been since March 17th.

Kelly was so much to me. She was not only my older sister, she was a second mother. And while that was annoying sometimes, I guess I kind of was blind to it sometimes. I didn’t want a second mother, I didn’t want her to watch out for me all the time. It was hard to live in a small room with four other people. There was a lot of tension. Even when Kelly was in the hospital, it only increased everything. Yes, there were only three of us in the room then, but it was hard because it meant that something was wrong. Watching not only your sister, but a lot of other kids, get sick is something that stays with you. While it was happening, I was always trying to run from it. I always listened to music, or wanted to be doing something, just so I didn’t have to sit and stare cancer in the face. Before we left Seattle, I think I knew what was happening. Kelly started falling asleep all the time, even when she was in the middle of doing something. It scared me, and yet I kept trying to not believe that she was dying. I didn’t want to think about life without her. Because it seemed impossible. The days that we were home are a bit of a blur. I just remember that then Kelly was in the hospital, and then it just went fast. And it seemed every time you saw her, it just got worse and worse. I faintly remember then going to Great Falls to get Marcy and the boys, and then after that spending most of my time with Gavin. Because I didn’t want to see my sister. And that’s something I regret. I wish I would have spent more time with her that last week. I wish I finally would have stopped running from it. When we went to the hospital right after she died, I still wouldn’t look at her. I caught a glimpse, and that was enough. I still see that image of her, and that’s what’s hard. While pictures of her smiling and laughing hang on my walls, in my head, I still see her very sick in that hospital. I know it’s important for me to be at school now, and to just push through this, but I don’t know how. Because now I’m not running from the fact that she was sick, and that she’s not here with us. And I don’t know how to deal with those facts. And while my family goes through the same grief, it feels different. We’re all at different places in our lives, and we all knew Kelly in different ways. Opening my eyes in the morning takes an unbelievable amount of energy. Then going and seeing people who don’t really know what’s going on, takes that much more energy. And then I go home, finally, and then it’s there, because Kelly is still a part of my life. And when I get through the night and lay down in my bed, it breaks me. I see here everywhere, and even when I’m exhausted I don’t want to sleep because I’m scared of what I’ll see when I close my eyes and my mind starts to wander. And when people tell me I’m strong, I don’t feel that way. Because I feel completely lost, and confused, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t run from it, and pretend like nothing happened, but it’s so painful to accept it. And while people tell me this horrible feeling will pass someday, it’s hard to believe. Because it’s hard to imagine that I’ll make it through another night or a day or a week.

Six months seemed to go by fast. And while that could be comforting, it’s not. It could be a blessing that time goes by fast. But right now, I don’t see it that way. It just scares me. And I find myself wondering what’s going to happen to the rest of us. How much longer do I have? My family? My friends? The mind of this thirteen year-old is too full, and I don’t know what to do with myself or my thoughts.


Posted in Music, Random with tags , , on August 27, 2008 by Samantha Rose

So, I survived the first day.

It began with me being late-ish. We had orientation first thing, and when I got to the school, they had already gone in. I went to my orientation class, to find out that I was the second-to-last person to arrive. And, I had to be shown the right room by the principal. This didn’t help me much. I mean, I was not excited about school. I don’t really like it. (except english class…I don’t mind that too much.) Luckily, me and my best friend have every single class together except for one. That one just happens to be French. -sigh-

French class is already going bad. I have no idea what she’s saying! She talks really fast in French. Everyone else in the class has had at least one year of French. Not me. Thankfully, I sit right next to one of my friends, and she happens to be one of the best in the class. She was pretty much my translator today.

Things have been going pretty good. I’m just really tired already. I forgot how much energy it takes to sit in a desk and actually try to listen…=)

On a different note, I’ve really wanted to listen to some good techno bands, but I don’t know any. I’ve heard a few little bits of songs, but I don’t really know who their by. So, if anyone can recommend a really good techno band, please do.


Vh1, computer trouble, and me

Posted in Music, Random with tags , , , on August 25, 2008 by Samantha Rose

So…this post is slightly random. First off, I don’t know how often I’ll be able to post now, because, our laptop is acting up, and I think we’ve got a virus. =( Icky stuff. It’s hardly even worth starting our computer up anymore. -sigh-
Vh1 will soon leave my nightly routine, because I watch it starting at 1 AM. My nocturnal nights will soon be over. I am NOT ready for summer to be over, and for school to start. It seems like summer has hardly started, and already it’s ending.
Anyway, I’m watching Vh1 right now (LOVE IT!) and I’ve got a few song recommendations for you all.

Duffy. Except for her song ‘Mercy’. That song is sooo annoying, but her song ‘Warwick Ave.’ is really really good. Which reminds me that I still need to buy her CD….
Justin Nozuka. His song ‘After Tonight’ is genious. I could listen to it over and over and over again.
Matt Nathanson. I like his song ‘Come on Get Higher’, and I really like the cover Sugarland did of it. And then he sings ‘Romeo and Juliet’. Well, actually, I think The Killers might have done it first, but I’ve heard his version, and I LOVE it. Many thanks to Marcy for introducing me to Pandora, where I hear about lots and lots of people.
Relient K. I’ve listened to them for a while, but I just bought one of their older CD’s that came out in 2001. Their song ‘Sadie Hawkins Dance’ is really funny.
Okay…that’s all I’ve got to say for now…Peace!

New Eyes

Posted in Faith with tags , on July 23, 2008 by Samantha Rose

Earlier tonight, I was really upset. I just felt really horrible. Usually I would just wait it out, maybe listen to some loud-scream-ish music. Tonight (or rather, this morning) I did something different, for a reason I can’t say. I picked up my bible, and flipped to the index in the back.

I’m ashamed to say that I don’t read my bible that often. In fact, I rarely even glance at it unless I’m in church. This is not a fact I’m proud of. Anyway, this morning, I picked up my bible and looked in the back. It’s got a special index that has suggestions for verses you might want to read if you’re feeling a certain way (angry, disappointed, jealous, etc.). So I looked at some of the verses that they suggested if you were in need of comfort. So, I decided to share some of the verses I found most comforting.

Isaiah 42:16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

Psalms 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.

John 8:12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

John 14:27 Peace. I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.


After I got done reading, I put my bible on my side-table (so I would remember to pick it up again) I turned off my light and climbed in to bed. I grabbed my Zune and turned to the song Broken by Lifehouse, and started to get settled in for bed. For another reason I can’t really explain, I got out of bed again. A conversation I had with my mom a while ago came to my mind. She had told me that someone told her it’s an incredible experience if every now and then when you pray, you lay flat out on the floor. So, and I don’t think I ever really made a decision to do this tonight (or morning…) I did. I laid myself flat out in the middle of my bedroom floor, with the lights still off, and just prayed.

Again, I’m ashamed to say that I don’t really pray as much as I should either. I turn to God last minute, when He should be the first person I go to for guidance. As much as I love it, music will not solve all my problems. So, I sometimes get a little uncomfortable when I pray. I worry that I’m not doing it the right way, or that it’s not going to do any good. But tonight, I just talked to God. I just told him the way I was feeling, and asked for his guidance and his comfort. When I stood back up, I felt different. I really did.

And I may just be a teenager, but even now, I still have that incredible feeling. When I was praying, I heard this really loud noise all of a sudden. It was raining. Hard. If you know me, you probably know that I love the rain a lot. There’s something about it that makes me feel good. It’s like it’s just washing away all the bad stuff from the day. I couldn’t help myself, I got my sister and we went outside on our steps. I stuck my arm out and let the rain fall down on my arm. It was cold, sure, but it’s still beautiful. I stood out there and felt the rain kiss my arm and inhaled that fresh-summer-rain smell. It was honestly like I was seeing our front yard through new eyes. I felt refreshed. I feel comforted. I feel like everything will really be okay, and that we can get through this. We just have to have faith.