Long Time No See!

Yeah, I know. It’s been forever since I’ve blogged….but exciting stuff has been going on!! So let’s get caught up.

On Nov. 18th, I went to Billings with my youth group for the Acquire the Fire conference. What happened there was life-changing. We listened to an amazing speaker, Joel Johnson, worshiped with a few thousand other teens, and developed a close bond with each other. The first night was an awesome kick-off. The best part of that first night was near the end. Joel had been talking about living with masks on. You pretend you’re okay during the day, but then at night you crumble and when it’s just you and God, you realize you are not living how you want to live. Um, hello! That was a slap in the face. How had I let myself live like that for so long? He then proceeded to say that if you wanted to throw away your masks and gain a new life, now was the time to do so. People started filing down the stairs and going to the floor for the altar call. No one in my group moved. There was some nervous fidgeting, and then me and one of my friends looked at each other. “Do you want…?” she started. I nodded, and then asked one of my other friends if she wanted to come. She nodded and the three of us stood up. We walked on shaky legs to the floor where we kneeled next to each other. After a few minutes, Joel began praying over the group gathered on the floor. We repeated the words he was saying, and boy did I pour everything I had into those words! Then the amazing worship band, School of Worship, started singing. We rose to our feet, lifted our hands in the air, and began to cry out to God. Soon I was sobbing, as were my friends, as we realized what had just happened. Our lives are never going to be the same. After singing, crying, and sharing some good hugs, we turned to go back to our seats. And when we looked behind us, there was half of our youth group, tears streaming from their eyes as they realized their lives had changed too. Needless to say, it was a good night. A few of us then went to go meet Joel and thank him. I was still shaking, but I was happier than ever. That night, all of the girls stayed up late talking about what had happened that day.

The next morning we woke up and went back to the conference. It was another amazing day filled with worship, laughter, more tears, and more bonding. But again, the end of the day was the most powerful.  We went down to the floor for worship, and at the end of worship we broke into groups to pray for each other. Me & two of my friends were in a group but then realized there was another girl that didn’t have a group. We invited her to join us, and she did so reluctantly. Me & one of the other girls took turns praying, and as our prayers went on, we learned that the girl who had joined our group was struggling with suicidal thoughts. One of the youth pastors from another town came over and prayed with us, and then we took some time to talk to the girl. It was amazing seeing the change and the relief that came across her once she opened up. We then gave each other hugs and said our good-byes as we joined our different youth groups for more prayers. Our youth leaders prayed over us and prayed for our schools as we all stood in a tight circle, hugging and crying some more. At the end of the night, we went back to the church where we were staying and talked with one of the other groups at the church. The next morning when we woke up, none of us were ready to leave.

I never imagined what that weekend would hold. I thought it would be something fun, but not life-changing. (I had been to a Dare 2 Share conference a few years ago, but it was nothing like this.) Although we’ve only been back for about a week, I have noticed that it’s been hard to hold on to that feeling that we captured that weekend. But I refuse to slip back into my old ways. I left all my masks on that floor Friday night, and they were trampled underfoot as I worshiped God with my whole heart, soul, mind, and body.

Much more has been going on since then, but this post is already very long! I will post another update later in the week. 

Love and blessings to you all!

Seattle

As pretty much everybody I meet knows, I love Seattle with all my heart. It’s my home. When I lived there, I fell in love with the city despite all the crap me and my family were going through there. My heart aches when I see pictures of the skyline or my favorite spots in the city (the Starbucks we would stop at on the way to school, University Village, the pier where my dad would take me fishing…) Small town life can not satisfy me since I have had a taste of the city. I miss everything about it–the slight fish smell in the air, the cloudy skies, the green life that stayed in the plants even through the winter. Heck, I don’t even care that a city is dangerous. I’m fine with locking my doors if it means I get to live in that beautiful place.

The reason for this post is that it’s raining here today. I love the rain because that is when I am reminded of Seattle the most, even though our Montana rain is different. The smell is not the same, and the rain is much colder here than in Seattle. But still, it is a small taste of home, and I will cherish every drop.

Boycott Walmart’s Fish

Today, me and some friends went shopping at the nearest Walmart. When we went to look at the fish, we were disgusted by what we saw! The tanks had dead fish stuck to the filters, floating in the top of the tank, and all over the bottom of the tanks. In some tanks, the dead fish were being eaten by the crabs and other fish in the tanks. Walmart (at least our Walmart) does not properly care for their fish apparently. Until this problem is taken care of, I am suggesting people do not support Walmart’s fish sales and complain to the store about their unsanitary and sad care of their fish. Leave a comment below with your experience with Walmart’s fish tanks if you want! It would be interesting to know if it’s just the Walmart near me or if it’s just generally how fish are taken care of, in Walmart or in other pet stores. I know some of the fish tanks (especially the goldfish) in Petco must not be cleaned regularly because there are dead fish everywhere. It’s disgusting and frankly, it makes me sad. I love my fish and do not want other fish to be treated like this!

This may seem silly to some people, because some fish don’t live very long anyway. But these tanks should be cleaned regularly and these fish should be taken better care of.

Thanks for reading,
Sam

Tank filled with dead fish at Walmart

 

Dead fish stuck in the corner of the tank at Walmart

Summer Rain

Woke up today and it was pouring rain.  So after the rain quit, I thought I would go out back and take some pictures of our garden/yard covered in water droplets.

I have lied. I will not stop writing. I don’t think it’s possible for me to give up something like that. Writing is my one escape. I can’t give that up, but for now, I think I’ll take a break from blogging. I’ve got stuff to figure out, you know? And I don’t want to figure it out on a blog. I can’t hide behind written words anymore. I used to think my blog was the only place that I always told what was on my mind. But I don’t think it was. I think some of it was true, but I was always trying to make everything into a poem. And so it all came out a little dramatic. Even this seems… I don’t know…weird. like not something i would really do, or say. i was trying too hard to be someone..a writer i guess. =) but something that is true? i’ve always liked the name samantha better than rose.

OKAY?

I’m taking a break from blogging, from writing. I wish I could take a break from my school, my friends, my family. I wish I had a plane, so I could disappear in the clouds. I wish my life  had a script, so I could see when something unexpected was coming, so I could prepare myself for it. I wish things were simpler. I wish I wasn’t sad. I wish I wouldn’t cry so much. I wish I could be stronger. I wish I had someone, who could look in my eyes, and know exactly what to say. I wish I could leave this town. I wish it had been me instead of her.

Quiche. q-u-i-c-h-e. Quiche.

This post has nothing to do with quiche other than the fact that is one of the words for this year’s spelling bee…which I get to participate in. *insert sarcastic tone* Lucky, lucky, lucky, me. *end sarcasm* That’s right. March 2nd, I will be spelling words that I don’t really care about. Whoot whoot. I mean, seriously, one of the words is wikiwiki. They put some weird words on the list. But at least that makes it more interesting, right? Maybe they put those words in so that no one falls asleep. Yes, I’m sure that’s it. =)

If nothing else, at least I’ll get to hang out with two of my friends that are in it. And, maybe I’ll get to skip some school. =)

Peace. p-e-a-c-e. Peace.
Sam

Twilight Parody

So this parody comes from some of my favorite youtube peoples….The Hillywood Show. I was super-excited when they said they were doing a Twilight parody..and I find it hilarious…but it’s a Friday, and I’m tired, and slightly sick, so I don’t know that my mind is completely in order..but it’s still entertaining. Enjoy.

The World is White

Outside, snow is falling once again on my little hometown. Big, fat, feathery flakes of white are swirling down to the ground, where they then stick. If it’s cold enough tonight, everything tomorrow morning will be a slick sheet of ice. The sky is beautiful right now. It’s dark, but light. There is a hint of pink, and beige colors. It’s also sort of gray with snow. It’s the type of weather that makes you think Christmas music, and hot chocolate, and warm blankets. The smell of a fireplace, a vacation from school, and thousands of lights around town. Unfortunately, the time for that has passed, and we’ve moved on to pink paper hearts and love notes. Cupid and chick flicks. Flowers and chocolates. But for right now, the world is white.

Anonymity

Walking the streets here,

I have one fear here.

The fear of being

noticed,

of being recognized,

and pegged as

something I’m not.

I don’t want to pretend

that I’m a certain girl.

I don’t want to

be frozen

as this person.

I want to move on

without anyone caring.

I want to feel fine

and be able to break down.

I want to have that freedom back.